The deep dish ****it list

Eat pizza on all continents

Go to all 50 states

Win the Nathans famous hot dog contest

Have an everyday mariachi calendar

Have a sandwich, sleazy sex act, and cafeteria named after me

Read the entire girl talk book series

See every Charles Bronson movie

Get a deep dish blend of medicated gold bond powder

Spacedock with a. rydberg

Open a gourmet diner called the greasy spork

Grow Fabio hair and ride a unicorn through a wild pasture with Tim Gravy Brown

Get a zipper tattoo on the scar from my open heart surgery

The best email I’ve ever received

i am 12yrs old and i think youre great. about a month ago i had a tumor removed from my brain and now im going threw radiation treatments. i told my parents that if patrick bertoletti wouldnt ever give up, i wont give up either. thank you for all your inspiration! i was just wondering if i could get an autographed picture from you? if not, i will totally understand you are very busy. thanks again and take care of yourself. youre the best. good bye.
I sent him a signed picture and a co-signed w chestnut dd bertoletti pendant.  I would send him my waffle house belt if he asked me to.

aurelios( child and adulthood perfection)

Nothing puts the stress of working a shitty catering job or having a douche boss to ease faster then eating a fiesta size cheese from Aurelios. I would not be surprised if Jesus actually changed water into the Aurelios sauce, it’s just that good. Tell em joe or deep dish sent you.  A wise  glutton once said that your favorite pizza is the one you grew up with.  All others will be compared to it, and that definitely is the case with aurelios,  it set the standard pretty high for all else that follow.

pizzeria milan

Chorizo pineapple

Hot damn this was an extreme case of sweet, salty, savory, and greasy. It puts that Hawaiin pizza abomination to shame. It’s the traditional flavor mash up on whip its. And boy do pizza and whip its go good together, just ask erik the red denmark.


trip to jersey shore and beyond

A Pizzaphiles journey in short hand

3 pizza’s in 3 states in 2 days

Delaware- Anthonys coal burning

Tocconella’s- philly

Macks- Wildwood jersey

3 very different pizza’s and flavor experiences, priming my palate for the unknown flavors of the philadelaphiles

Pork roll?  Fried in butter on a roll with mustard. It was quite amazing, kind of like breakfast sausage cloned with salami,  mmmmmmm

Or scrapple?

Prepared the same way, soft and gooey, with a perfect crust.  Almost like a biscuit made of sausage, who cares if it’s made from pigs assholes and hooves

Stayed with mr. steakbellies buddies on the jersey shore, repaid them by preparing these;

b^3-  Italian blt, bacon, basil, balsamic syrup, n oven roasted tomatoes

Cubano- bacon, cream cheese, strawberry jelly

hit the jersey shore,  fist pumping and gtl was referenced a minimum of 795 times in a 4 hour time span

Played the I’m steakbellies younger sivant brother game,

He convinced 2 baby boomers that I was rudderless, a lost soul, and total f*** up(not too far from truth)

Was consulted with pep talk upon exit and reassured that daughters my age were going thru same thing

Was recognized at karaoke bar where ron jeremys sleazier beezexed every follicle younger brother manned the male parts of paradise by dashboard light

Took 10 min of interrogation to prove mr bellie wasn’t setting me up turned out to be a big fan and had an hour conv.


Discovered the 6th season of the trailer park boys;  the hidden theme- milk jugs filled with discarded golden shower liquid

A game of where’s waldo of where the ketonic milk jug turned into a dangerous game.

Drank keystone light from the naturals basement kegerater ,  tons of  steakbellies world famous leg spreaders mojito’s and more silver bullets to count.

Had to spoon with the dog after a pitcher of mojito’s

Almost died in a certain eater’s bmw en route to phl airport.  But owe him as he got me back to chow on airport garbage feed.  Can’t tell you the promises that were made if this would happen.

Also, lost to b.o.b. by a few fries, let it slip away in last 30 sec, reassured me of my distastes for large crinkle/ steak fries.